The hard truth of raising a child with mental health disabilities. When my son Evan was born I was beyond happy because I had my little girl Adriana and now I had a little boy. Everything was perfect. I began to notice that Evan did not like to be held or touched and would even get upset when I changed his diaper. I am one of those mom’s that says you are my child I am going to hold you and love on you even if that makes you mad. One night I sat holding him and rocking him for six hours while he cried and cried just to be put down. During those six hours I just kept telling him it is ok mommy loves you but at the end of hour five he started to smile and stopped crying. From that night on he never cried about being held or touched again.

When he was 6 months old I noticed he would bang his head on the wall while in the play pin. At first I thought he was just mad because he did not want to be in the play pin so, I got him out and laid him on his play mat in the middle of the room. He scooted his way to the wall and started banging his head again and he caused two bumps on his forehead.

When Evan was 10 months old I found out I was pregnant so, I made an appointment with an OB to start prenatal care. The morning of my appointment I got up and left around 4 or 5am because I had to take the bus. I did not get back until around 1 or 2pm. When I got home Evan’s father Evan R. said there was an accident with Evan J and I asked what. He said he did not know all he knew was he woke up around 7am and Evan J was choking himself with his blanket. Me knowing my son knew that was not possible because little Evan couldn’t even hold his own bottle at the time. I waited until big Evan went to work and called the cops. One week later they placed my kids in CPS foster care saying a failed to protect them. Even though I proved I had nothing to do with what happened and I had no fore knowledge of this happening. I would spend the next two years fighting to get them back. Meanwhile, my best friend Marcy and I went through the courts to have my unborn baby placed with her if I was not allowed to take her home when she was born and CPS ignored that ruling and placed her with the same family that had my other two kids.

Six months before I got my kids back I moved to Albuquerque New Mexico to be with my now ex-husband Brian. It was not long after moving there that I was pregnant with little man Alexzander Mykal. I was pregnant with him when Brian, his dad, his brother, and I drove to Arizona to get my kids. Shortly after getting back home little Elektra was sitting down near the kitchen and started crying and Evan walked up to her a smacked her on the back of her neck and told her to shut up. Knowing he is only like maybe 2 almost 3 years old I knew this was a learned behavior, and I knew he learned it from that foster family. It took a few days to get him to understand that it was not ok to do this. Elektra would end up with tubs in her ears later on due to this kind of treatment she got from that family. Which it breaks my heart knowing all the things Adriana has told me she went through there and what Evan and Elektra went through as well.

When he was 3 years old he head-butted a shelf in the hallway bad enough to cause a concussion. At this point the doctors diagnosed him with oppositional defiance disorder (ODD) and prescribed him Clonidine and was told to put him in his room when he had meltdowns. That is what I did. Things just got worse.

When he was 5.5 years old his younger sister Elektra and him were playing and she said something or did something he did not like, and he head-butted her in her ribs to the point she stopped breathing for a few seconds and ended up with bruised ribs and liquid Vicodin. This prompted his first residential stay that lasted until he turned 6 years old.

It was during this time that I started to feel as though I was failing my children as their mom because I have one that is being hurt by the other one and one that is hurting the other one. All I wanted to do was protect the one being hurt and at the same time help figure out what was causing the behavior in the other one. Meanwhile my oldest is getting hair pulled out by the chunks by her brother.

When Evan was released from the residential program he was given outpatient therapy treatment, and they recommended a therapy that would help him learn the difference between hard touches and light touches. This seemed to be helping but, then I noticed he would start going after strangers at the stores for what reason I do not know. This is when they taught me how to put Evan in a therapeutic hold.

In 2012 Brian and I divorced. Against my mom’s instincts I agreed to let Alex primarily live with Brian due to Evan’s mental health issues. But when Alex was 7 (2017) he disappeared with Alex and would not show up again until 2024 by way of child support enforcement causing me to be $26,000 behind. Even though he says I knew where they were the whole time but, we will just let him think what he wants to think because I have the proof to say otherwise.

When Evan was not having his meltdowns he was the sweetest, loveable kid you could ever come across. I think even today that is what I miss the most because I know Evan can be like that if he wants to be.

In 2014 I made the choice to move to Belle Missouri and Adriana decided to stay in New Mexico with her best friend, and I decided to have Elektra stay with Brian because Evan was still hurting her. During this time Evan got worse, I was unable to work because I was always being called to come get him from school, the school in town would not even accept him after the first 5 minutes of him being there because he tore apart their classroom. He had to be transported 30 minutes to a specialized school, and they did not want to transport him, so they ended up paying me to transport him. He was in treatment for head-butting me, trying to kill himself, and burning himself. I had CPS at my house daily because of his meltdowns to the point I had to keep a three-ring binder of when he hurt himself, when he had melt downs, how long his meltdowns lasted, a white board with his daily routine that he never followed, pictures on my phone of his self-harm. I would even ask the workers if they wanted tea or coffee. He would wait until I was in the bathroom to run out the door and one day the cops found him right before someone almost shot him because they thought he was some kind of wild animal which caused me to get a child endangerment charge. Which the judge dropped after learning the circumstances.

Evan would spend acute (1 week) stays in a psychiatric unit numerous times throughout his childhood for various reasons. Anything from trying to kill himself, threatening to kill himself, trying to burn down the house, hurting other people. During these stays the doctors would end up diagnosing him with various things from Bi-polar, RAD, Intermittent explosive disorder, and at point had him on 15 different medications at one time.

In 2016 was when he would end up being raped by his therapeutic transporter which led to him being diagnosed with PTSD and  his next residential stay due to him choking Elektra with a car seat belt. At first we tried him going to stay with my friend Marcy where he accused her daughter of doing inappropriate things to him, her husband slamming him against the wall, and giving him alcohol and trying to kill himself by eating miracle grow. Which were all lies which ended up with them calling the CPS worker who was already involved with Evan placing him with them and that is when it was recommended that he be placed at Children’s Hope. Where he did some more behaviors that a young child should not be doing with another young child. He ran off and walked up to a stranger and said he was hungry and asked if he could take him home a feed him. Lucky the man called the cops.

When I got the call about this Evan had already been gone from Children’s Hope for 5 hours and I hit the roof and yelled at them and told them I should have been notified immediately. I asked them how this could have even happened. All they could say was ma’am we are not a lockdown facility. He stayed in Children’s Hope until 2018. When he came home everything was good for about 2 or 3 weeks. He started to refuse to take his meds and started to refuse to go to school. By this time, I was a school bus driver and was able to get Evan into High roads of Boone County which this school would not call to pick him up if he had meltdowns they would just document them and let me know about the behavior. Which this was a life saver because I was able to actually keep my job.

During this time, we moved to Holts Summit, MO into a three-bedroom trailer. Where Evan would make friends with one of our neighbors and would end up getting caught stealing from the dollar store with this friend. Would run away for a few hours at a time, would refuse to do anything I asked him to do. Reported to his therapist that he was hearing and seeing things that no one else could see or hear and by 2019 he was diagnosed with childhood psychosis with early on-sit schizophrenia (which some people Molly and Blaine will say he was never officially diagnosed with even though they have witnessed some of his meltdowns and his aggression). With this diagnosis came a whole new set of issues because now I had to deal with; is Evan hearing something that is telling him to do these things or is he making these choices on his own.

The main thing I kept asking myself is where did it come from. Was there something I did during pregnancy with him that may have caused it. Then I did my research on it and this is what I found:

Causes - Schizophrenia

The exact causes of schizophrenia are unknown. Research suggests a combination of physical, genetic, psychological and environmental factors can make a person more likely to develop the condition.

Some people may be prone to schizophrenia, and a stressful or emotional life event might trigger a psychotic episode. However, it's not known why some people develop symptoms while others do not.

Increased risk

Genetics

• Schizophrenia tends to run in families, but no single gene is thought to be responsible.
• It's more likely that different combinations of genes make people more vulnerable to the condition. However, having these genes does not necessarily mean you'll develop schizophrenia.
• Evidence that the disorder is partly inherited comes from studies of twins. Identical twins share the same genes.
• In identical twins, if a twin develops schizophrenia, the other twin has a 1 in 2 chance of developing it, too. This is true even if they're raised separately. 
• In non-identical twins, who have different genetic make-ups, when a twin develops schizophrenia, the other only has a 1 in 8 chance of developing the condition.
• While this is higher than in the general population, where the chance is about 1 in 100, it suggests genes are not the only factor influencing the development of schizophrenia.

Differences in brain development

• Studies of people with schizophrenia have shown there are subtle differences in the structure of their brains.
• These changes are not seen in everyone with schizophrenia and can occur in people who do not have a mental illness. But they suggest schizophrenia may partly be a disorder of the brain.

Neurotransmitters

• Neurotransmitters are chemicals that carry messages between brain cells.
• It is thought people with schizophrenia may have different amounts of certain neurotransmitters in their brains.
• Medicines that help lower the amounts of certain neurotransmitters, such as dopamine, can help with the symptoms of schizophrenia in some people.
• This suggests neurotransmitters play a role in the development of schizophrenia.

Pregnancy and birth complications

• Research has shown people who develop schizophrenia are more likely to have experienced complications before and during their birth, such as:
• a low birthweight
• premature labor
• a lack of oxygen (asphyxia) during birth
• It may be that these things have a subtle effect on brain development.

Triggers

• Triggers are things that can cause schizophrenia to develop in people who are at

These include:

Stress

• The main psychological triggers of schizophrenia are stressful life events, such as:
• bereavement
• losing your job or home
• divorce
• The End of a relationship
• physical, sexual or emotional abuse
• These kinds of experiences, although stressful, do not cause schizophrenia. However, they can trigger its development in someone already vulnerable to it.

After finding this information I knew in my heart there was nothing I did that caused his mental illness. I also came to the realization that this illness was going to be a lifelong struggle for Evan, but what I did not realize at the time was just how bad it would get. What most people do not understand or choose not to understand is when someone spends a lot of time in and out of treatment they begin to know how to play the system. They begin to know that if they behave a certain way while in treatment they will be released faster and be able to go home or get out to back into society where they are less monitored. Yes, they are released with a regimen of medication they are to take but the key is getting them to take them. With Evan he would be med compliant for 2 or more weeks and then stop taking his meds saying he does not need them anymore. As a mom I knew he needed them, but I could not force them down his throat so, I could not make him take them.

In 2021 we moved to Emerson NE. Things were going good for a while but then the kids in the town started messing with Evan, which caused him issues. He stopped wanting to go to school so, I agreed to home school him and he agreed as well. He still would not do his schoolwork at all. He was still refusing to do his chores or clean his room. In 2023 I had been asking him for 6 months solid to clean his room and at the end of the 6 months I changed the WI-FI password and told him he could not have it until he cleaned his room. He became violent and threatened to kill me. I called 911 and had him arrested. He spent time in juvenile detention and then was put on probation.

Not even 6 months after he got off probation in February 2025 he spent the weekend with his girlfriend and on the ride to his girlfriends he told me that she had this condition that caused her not to be able to have children by the time she was 20 and that she was really wanting to have a baby. I told him I could understand her wanting to have a baby but not now given she is 16. Two days after he got home he told me she thought she was pregnant and the baby was his and I laughed and said that was bullshit because there was no way a woman could know that fast she was pregnant and if she is pregnant the baby is not his. He got pissed off and caused $2,000 of damage in my house. I called the cops again; they ended up tackling him onto my sofa and he hit one of them in the process. By that Monday he was in detention again. This time they placed him at the boy’s home in Omaha NE and he ran from there, then they placed him at the Yes center in Cherokee County, IA and he escaped from there. So, they placed him at Madison County, NE where he would remain until he was sentenced to YRTC until he was to turn 19.

Due to good behavior, he was released early. He got into an independent living program at Cedars in Lincoln, NE and was fine for like 3 weeks. Then I started getting calls from the ER for consent to treat him for him having seizures due to him drinking alcohol and smoking weed while on his psych meds. He already knew he should not be doing at all. He ended up getting kicked out of Cedars due to this behavior, having people live with him (which was against the rules), throwing parties, and jumping and rubbing a teenage girl.

Since this last incident my daughter’s friend made a joke on one of his Instagram posts, and he took offense to it and started getting verbally violent with my daughter again. So, I got involved and he told me that “You and your daughter can just go die” so, I told him until he gets his head out of his ass to lose my number and I have not talked to him sense.

Why have I said all of this? To get sympathy. No, I do not care about that. I have said all of this to raise awareness about what happens behind the scenes of mental illness because I have had more than one person in my life tell me oh Evan is not as bad as you say he is. I think you are just being over dramatic or flat out lying.

What sucks the most when people say those things is the fact that they only see Evan when he is at his best. When he is on his top tier manipulation game. When he is in the mode of I need something from this person so, I am going to play them for as long as I can to get what I can from them but the minute they say or do something I do not like that is when I am going to fuck their world up. I love Evan with all my heart, but I am not blind to who and what he is. It breaks my very soul to know I may never have a close relationship with him or a relationship with him at all.

He gets off of probation on Oct 4, 2026, which is only 13 days from now and both mine and my daughter’s anxiety is through the roof. All we keep thinking about is what if he makes his way up here and tries to hurt one of us again. I keep reassuring my daughter that I would just call the cops and have him arrested again which helps her a little bit. For me nothing seems to help because yes I can call the cops, but what is he capable of doing until they get here is what keeps going through my head. I know I have the right to defend my house from intruders, but could I really bring myself to physically hurt my own child. I do not think I could; due to my own abuse growing up.

The entire time raising Evan I would set there for many nights just crying and asking God what I ever did to deserve to have a child like Evan. I never did get an answer to that question until a few weeks ago when I asked God again and this time I got the answer. God just simply said you did not do anything to deserve a child with Evans issues, but I knew I could count on you to raise him and not hurt him. This gave me comfort but at the same time it made me question my childhood all over again.

You see with any child healthy or not as a parent you have to make the choice every day to love them through the good times and the bad times. I am not saying it is always easy during bad times because there were times when I wanted to just scream throw in the towel and walk away and not go back. As any loving parent does I screamed said I got this and pulled my big girl panties up and said this fucker is not going to get the best of me. Unfortunately, that is what I am going to all of you to do if you are dealing with a child with special needs.